Vagina is Closed for Valentine’s Day

Wake up! Wake up!

Vagina, go to sleep. It’s butt-crack thirty. Go to sleep!

No! No! No! We need to plan our escape.

Our escape? I can barely move.

Do you know what day it is?

Valentine’s Day, Vagina. It’s Valentine’s Day.

Yeah, yeah, so listen here buddy. I just made up my home. I’m a mess. I’m not doing this.

No one is asking you to do anything, except me. Now, go to sleep Vagina!

Nope, I’m not going to let you rest until you promise me.

Promise you what?

Promise me that you will keep my doors shut for 6 weeks. Six weeks of peace, that’s all I want. Got it?

Vagina, you are really upset.

Damn right. I’ve been through a lot here. I almost didn’t make it. All I want is a promise that my doors are closed for six weeks. Think of it as a sabbatical.

Vagina, nothing is going to happen. Valentine’s Day is more than just you know, sex. It’s a day of love. Love towards oneself, friends, family, neighbors and of course your significant other.

Ok, so if that’s the case how are we going to celebrate?

Well, I already have. I sent Valentine’s Day school cards to children of a single mother, so they can participate in their class party. Then I got a gift card for Bubba. I posted greetings on my friends and family member’s Facebook page. Last, I got my significant other a pizza oven.

Really? That’s it. That’s all we have to do.

Vagina, we don’t have to do anything. It’s just how I like to celebrate the holiday. I like to show an act of love to all those whom I love. It can be as simple as a note, call, gift, cup of coffee or doing a small task.

That’s it! Task! That’s the secrete word for, you know, opening my doors. I’ve had it!

Vagina, no! You don’t have to have sex to show love. You can show love physically by cuddling, kissing, a foot massage or napping. Not all sex is love either.

What do you mean? You’ve only loved.

I know, but not all people see sex as a grand gesture of love; instead, it can be done in harm. Sex as an act of greed, a act for lust or sex that leaves one or both persons feeling less of themselves afterwards is not what God intended. Someone who truly loves you, will never ask for another sex if they are not ready, ill, vulnerable, mentally weak or sad. Sex happens when two healthy adult lovers that respect one another jointly agree to participate. .

So, Valentine’s Day is more than sex…

Yes, it is so much more. I love you enough to respect that your closed for six weeks. I would never want to harm you Vagina.





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