What is love?

Love has many meanings. It can the pride a mother has for a child. It the strong physical and emotional bond between baby and mother. It is the beauty in a flower, sunset, mountain tops or dress. Love can also be the euphoria of tingle when a puppy nestles up under your neck.

Love is the desire to want to know more about someone. To stay up and talk all night. To read the books they love, listen to the music they enjoy. Watch the movies they like. It is looking forward to celebrating their birthday with them. It can be wanting that person to succeed so much that you are willing to sacrifice all for them.

Love can be the tenderness of the familiar. The sight of home. The comfort in your favorite chair after a long day. It can be the excitement after receiving a long desired gift.

Love can be touch. It is the bond of a child nursing on a mother. Love can be a hug from a teacher, pastor, friend, father, mother, sibling, or spouse. Love is the tenderness of ones lips touching your own. Love is physical. It is soft. Love is gentle never aggressive.

Love is respect, care, kindness, sadness, curiosity, happiness, tears of loneliness, tears of happiness, touch and desire to want to know all about the one you love.

When you no longer care to understand the other person. You no longer want to touch, kiss, or hug love is missing. Love that hurts is love that is gone. Love can only be taken away by betrayal.

There are many types of betrayal. The most popular sexual cheating, emotional cheating, drugs, alcohol abuse, lying, physical abuse, gambling, shopaholics, sabotage, and deceit. Betrayal can come from your lover, mother, father, uncle, aunt, grandmother, grandfather, teacher, doctor, friend, pastor, enemy, or more.

What if your lover is smart, has a great job, goes to church, comes home every night, and takes care of you, but constantly betrays you? Maybe your love for that person is so strong that you stay with that person no matter how often they betray you, even if they do it every single day.

Betrayal is the only thing that can poison your love for another. When one betrays you so much that your own self-worth is destroyed it is time to find a new love, a love for yourself.

Love for yourself is the greatest love of all. Be kind and gentle to yourself. Learn about yourself. Care for yourself. Celebrate yourself. Most of all, no matter how many people betray you, never betray yourself. You are one of a kind. Your love should be one of kind too.

The affair

“Danny…” The woman pauses to cry.

“Julie, what are you doing” You shouldn’t be calling me.”

“I needed to. I need to talk.”

“To me?”

“I trust you. I have no one else. There is only you.” She cries out loud. “Please, just listen to me. You’ve always been my best friend.”

“I know, but our friendship is secret and Keith is here. You know how he feels about you. It’s eight in morning.”

“Danny, put me on speaker phone. I don’t care if he can hear my problems. I just need your advice.”

“Go ahead,” Danny put the phone on speaker phone and places it on the kitchen counter.

“I caught him.”

“What? Nooo!”

“Danny, who’s that on speaker?”

“It’s Julie. She’s upset.”

“Go figure” Keith mumbles as he pours himself a cup of coffee.

“Jules, what happened? Are you sure he really did it?”

“I’m not sure.”

“Did you walk in on him?”

“No, it was nothing like that. I came home last night and found another woman’s shirt in the guest room. It was blue, ripped and smothered in perfume. It was laying flat on the spare bed.”

“Have you asked the maid?”

“Danny, I’m poor. I don’t have a maid.”

“Sorry, I forgot. That shirt could belong to anyone. Just because you found a shirt does not mean he’s cheating on you. Could it be a friend’s?”

“No, the shirt was a short sleeve blue cotton shirt with poloyster side panels. It was worn. The tag was faded and the front was ripped. That shirt was too cheap for any of my friends to wear.”

“Did you confront him?”

“Yes, he was already sleeping in bed. He blew me off. Then this morning he turned it all around on me. He said I had to keep my mouth shut or I would just humiliate myself, again.”

“Again? What does he mean by that?”

“He was referring to my ex. The infamous male slut I was married to.”

“Oh my…”

Julie begins to cry again. “Danny, will someone ever want to be with just me?”
“Of course you will, but give him some time to tell you the truth. You guys have been together for six years now, and you’ve been through a lot. This will pass. Just don’t jump without knowing the truth.”

“What if I don’t want to know the truth? M ex left me feeling ashamed and like I was less of a woman. Then there was that boyfriend I had in college that couldn’t keep his pants on. I was the laughing stock of the campus. Then you left me.”

“Julie, I’m gay. I was always gay. I loved you. I still do, but you can never give me what Keith can.”
“I know. I love you and respect your choice with Keith. At least you were always honest with me. We were never exclusive. That’s why I’m calling your instead on anyone else. I can trust you.”

“Julie, you are loved. You might feel dark and unloved right now, but you are not alone. You will find that one that only needs your love. You might have already had, but until you give him a chance to explain you are not going to feel better. Don’t walk away from him based on a cheap blue shirt. Your relationship deserves more than being torn apart from a ripped shirt.”

Shredded Heart

The blood tears flow down my face
The scarlet stains expose my fear of abandonment and shame
This shredded heart bleeds from the claws of your wrath

The boiling fire from inside me has ruptured with anger
Flames spew from my shattered shredded heart
Your conditional love poisons me

I fear no longer being alone as long as your love burns my soul
The scarlet stains are memories of all the pain
I will no longer fear abandonment or shame
I will put out my inner boiling flames as I watch you walk away
Take your conditional poisoned love
leave me to heal my shredded heart as I bleach these scarlet stains

Canary

I apologize for my absence from the world of blogging. 

 Last Friday, my grandmother passed away. 

 I dedicate this short story to my grandmother.

There once was a little girl named Sara.  She lived in an apartment building in Manhattan overlooking Central Park.  Her mother was busy with social engagements while her father worked many hours as a pilot. During the war, Sara’s father flew commercial jets for the military transporting soldiers to the battlefield in the Middle East.

One day two pristine dressed military men arrived at the apartment.  Sara’s mother sat solemnly in the living room talking to the two men decorated with ribbons and medals pinned to their chest. Sara was curious, but she stayed in her room till the men left.

Over the course of the following week Sara attended her father’s funeral, assisted her mother with packing all their belongings and moved from New York City to a small cabin in the Rockie Mountains of Colorado.  The house had no internet, no cable or satellite television and no telephone except for her mother’s cell phone.  It was summer time so Sara spent most of her time coloring or playing with her dolls, but she missed her father, her friends and looking out her old bedroom window watching Central Park.  New York City glistened with lights, sidewalks were full of people and streets are adorned with rows of traffic.  Now, in the mountains Sara was feeling incredibly lonely without her father, the quietness of her mother and her new view from her cabin window.

One day from Sara’s window she watched humming birds dance around the flowers.  Attracted by the small birds Sara went outside to play near the rocks of the Colorado River.  She tossed rocks into the water, chased a frog and watched birds play.   As Sara was getting up to walk back home, something glistening in the grass caught her attention.  She walked over to the object.  It was a very small bird egg.  It was partially covered by broken pieces of what looked like a bird’s nest.  Sara looked around for a mother bird.  There was no sign.  It was getting late so Sara picked up the little bird egg and gently wrapped it in some leaves to carry it home.  She showed the small egg to her mother.  Together they  made a small home for the egg in an old shoe box.  They borrowed a heat lamp from the veterinarian to shine on the small abandoned egg.  Sara and her mother were  now busy taking care of the small egg. One day they noticed the egg beginning to hatch.  The next morning a baby bird was born.  Sara and her mother fed the bird with food drops from the local veterinarian.

Before long the small baby bird began to walk in the box.  Sara and her mother bought an antique bird-cage from the flea market to make as his new home.

“Momma, the bird’s feathers are turning yellow.”

“Let me see.  Hmmm, they do look rather yellow compared to the gray they used to be. I’m still not certain what kind of bird it is, but in time we will know.”

Over the following days the baby bird grew more and more yellow feathers.  “Momma, I think the bird is a Canary.”

“Sara, I don’t think Canaries are native to Colorado.”

“Can I name it?”

“Sure.”

“I’m wanna name it Lemon Drop.”

“That is a very odd name.”

“I know, but It’s yellow feathers remind me of daddy’s favorite candy, lemon drops. Will that make you sad?”

“No honey, I think Lemon Drop will be fine.”

Lemon Drop grew in to a strong beautiful Canary.  Through out the year, Lemon Drop sang songs,  talked, and perched on her Sara’s shoulders.  Lemon Drop brought joy back in to Sara and her mother’s life. The two of them were once again happy.

The following fall, Sara went to bed with the window open.  A rain storm with gusting winds blew into her room chilling Lemon Drop.  The next morning he had a cold. Lemon Drop sat at the bottom of his cage looking ill instead of singing, talking or perching. All day long he did not eat or drink. Sara and her mother took Lemon Drop to the veterinarian.  She prescribed him medicine drops.  The following days Sara and her mother gave the medicine to Lemon Drop, but his health was not improving.

“Momma, is Lemon Drop going to leave us like daddy did?”

“Sara, daddy did not leave us.  He passed away.”

“I don’t want Lemon Drop to pass away. I miss daddy.  I’m going to miss Lemon Drop.”

“Lemon Drop is not going to leave us.”

“Then where is he going?”

“Lemon Drop is going to shed his wings for larger wings. His new wings will be so grand he will fly above the clouds and among the stars and back down to us.”

“But, I won’t get to hear his song.”

“If you listen closely you will hear his song among the whistling winds.”

“But, I won’t get to feel the warmth of him perched on my shoulders and the tickles of his feathers on my neck.”

“If you go outside the rays of the sun is the warm touch of his love.”

“Momma, I’m going to miss Lemon Drop like I miss daddy.”

“Sara, Lemon Drop might be fine.  Give the medicine time to do its work.  Your daddy never left us.  Your daddy like Lemon Drop has grown wings to soar the sky and stars.  His love is in the warm touch of the sun’s rays.  Daddy’s voice is scrambled in the winds.  Daddy never left us, he ascended. He is above us.  Daddy is here and will always be here for you.  Let’s go to bed.  Tomorrow Lemon Drop may feel much better.”

The next morning, Sara woke up to find Lemon Drop perched on his swing singing.

Dear Friend,

Dear Friend,

I have been thinking about how I want to start this letter. I guess I will begin by saying thank you for always being there for me. Thanks for taking walks with me, dealing with my bickering, watching me type away on this computer day all the time and always forgiving me.

The problem is that I am a little concerned about you. I want to start 2012 in the right direction by addressing all my conflicts.

  1. I think you sleep too much. I think you might sleep more than you are awake. What could you be dreaming?
  2. How do you maintain your figure? Seriously, you eat cookies for breakfast and have a ginormous dinner. I have never seen you eat a veggie in your life.
  3. I do not like how you beg to people. It makes you look very desperate.
  4. You should learn to cover your mouth when you sneeze. Not everyone wants your germs.
  5. Why do you always like to take breaks when we go for walks? Sometimes, we hardly make it down the block before you want to stop and look around. This habit is very annoying…
  6. I find it odd that you always get to get to have someone else to do your hair. Come on you are no superstar.
  7. You really should stop smelling everything; some things should not to be that close to your nose.
  8. Learn to control your hair. It sheds everywhere. Would it trouble you to use hair gel, mouse or hairspray?
  9. It is embarrassing when you have to hang your head out of the car window, even during winter.
  10. It really irks me when I see you rubbing your bottom on my carpet. Can you just learn to use tissue?
  11. Stop licking everything! I do mean everything. It is not very lady like.
  12. Your bed is for you, not just your toys. It would be all right if you ever wanted to sleep there.

Overall, you are my best friend. I made this list to bring our relationship closer, but if you choose not to change, I will love you just as you are…my dog.

Dear Child

 

Dear Child,

One day when you are a parent, adult, lover, employee, or boss you will discover how much disrespect hurts. With the power of love comes the power of respect through empathy. Empathy is the ability to understand and be sensitive to the feelings and thoughts of others.

When you are a parent sometimes, you are the child.

When you are a teacher sometimes, you are the student.

When you are a doctor or nurse sometimes, you are the patient.

When you are the business owner sometimes, you are the customer.

When you are the writer sometimes, you are the reader.

When you are the politician sometimes, you are the taxpayer.

When you are the General of the Army sometimes, you are the Enlisted Soldier.

When you are the actor sometimes, you are the audience.

What does all this mean to you? Simply, it means that through love empathy is born. Empathy is the key to your success. Throughout life, you may be one, many or none of the above titles; whatever you do, do it with love. Have empathy for others. Never forget that you and everyone else are special. You are one of a kind, through passion and creation you were born to this world. You are a collection of your experiences, if they are bad or good they make you whole. Never judge others for who they have or have not become. Give love and have empathy for others. Do not treat people with disrespect for their lack of wisdom or title in life. Pass on your many talents, joys, and wisdom with people around you, but always be true to you.

Love Always,

Mom

Love

The middle-aged woman sits with her therapist in the small room with the mold stain on the ceiling.  It is a free counseling clinic.  The woman never signs in with her real name.  She is ashamed of herself and what her name is.  Is her name vulgar?  Is the woman named after someone famous?  Questions remain unanswered.  The therapist a graduate student sits uncomfortably on the torn tweed sofa.

“Have you had anymore dreams?”

“Yes”

“Did they take place in Italy?”

“No, I’m not sure where I was, but it certainly was not Italy.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Well, this time I was on a bike. I was traveling against traffic.  Yet, the lines on the road were different.”

“How so?”

“Well, I was facing the oncoming cars, but the yellow line was on my side.  In the middle of the street there was a white line.”

“So the traffic was traveling opposite from us?”

“Yes”

“How did you feel?”

“I felt free. Not that the lines made me feel that way, but the landscape was open.”

“Was anyone with you?”

“Nope, I was by myself on the bike. There were a few country homes.  I saw sheep, cows, fields of harvest, a castle, rocks, hills and the ocean.”

“Do you think you know where you were?”

“Maybe, Ireland.”

“Did you ever stop riding the bike?”

“No, I remember clearly getting tired, but I kept going.  The scenery kept changing making it so interesting.  The hills were exhausting.  The ocean winds were challenging.  The gentle touch of the sun empowered me.  At times when I felt as though I could not pedal anymore it seemed as though the winds would stop and I would find myself coasting down a hill looking upon a vast landscape.”

“Do you feel that this dream had any significance in your life?”

“Yes, I do. I felt it was a summary of my life’s journey.”

“How so?”

“The beauties of nature, the harmony with the sun, the struggle against the hills, the rhythm of the pedals against the winds, the refreshing sparkle of the ocean breeze are all metaphors of events and people in my life.”

“How does that make you feel?”

“Loved”

Gifts?

When was the last time you have relieved a gift?Perhaps it was a holiday, birthday or anniversary?

Today I assisted someone with purchasing a gift. It was not any special occasion, but oddly enough it made me feel good. It could be the fact I was not spending my own money. The truth is knowing the recipient, I knew she would be delighted to just be remembered that she is loved.

During the tough economic times many of us are spending less, but maybe it is at times like present with spirits are low, economy down and jobs sparse that we should be gifting to our friends and family.

Small tokens of appreciation can mean lots, especially when not expected. Gifts do not have always have to be purchased. A thoughtful note, a baked good, cup of coffee or a nice complement can all be a well received token. I propose to you to gift to someone today.

My second task: Write a compliment to a literary agent