Coming or Going??

The year is over, well almost over. Thank you!

The year was long, full of blessings, bitches, changes and illness and recovery. The entire year, I could not tell if I was coming or going from my goals. Hmm…

Well, 2013 was my year to stop blogging and start working a 40 hour a week job. A job which I learned so many things and grew from, but at the same time made me worry day by day if I was coming up in the world or going from the world of creativity.

The one constant in my life was doubt. I doubted everyday with intense worry. I wanted to know, if I was coming into the woman I wanted to be for my family, or was I going from my dreams.

The truth of the matter is the core to my change resonated with the change of duty station with my military spouse. “Don’t shake your head at me. I can see you.  You are reading this and thinking, another winey military wife.”

The truth is, I might just be all of that, but I am so much more. Let me start again. I moved to Oklahoma to find a great job opportunity. I left behind wonderful friends.  I have met wonderful and awful people though networking. I have found my value. Yes, in the real estate world, I am worth less than $2,000 anything over and my former newly found good friend threw me under the bus for. Yes, we are no longer friends. I could understand being thrown under a bus or sold out for a mere $10,000, but $2,000 she can take a walk.

Now, back to my coming or going theory. I moved, I got a job, lost friends,  made friends,  made enemies,  loved, got sick and yes, I was loved. Deep down inside, I was sad. I don’t mean the sad that I ruined a great pair of jeans or snagged a fantastic sweater. No, I was sad. I missed the fundamentals of blogging daily. I loved the patting sound of my finders across the keyboard of my laptop as I created stories. I enjoyed the characters, the humor, the sadness and reading the comments. What I missed was the community that I had found here in the blogosphere. I created this blog many years ago in hopes to meet an agent or publishers, but believe it or not I have met both. I had a wonderful year full of promises, but when it came to my craft. I fucked it all up. I did nothing. I worked vigilantly in my new job, but let my art sit by my waist side. The shame, the pity, the WTF feelings I carried day to day made it harder and harder to write as each new day came, so I did NOTHING.

What? You want to know about meeting the publisher and agent.  Ok. Ok.

Well, I met with the publisher, Steve from ICE CUBE Press. He was funny, intelligent and asked for my work. I have not heard anything at this time, but it was a great experience. I can only hope for the best.

Yes, I will tell you about the agents too. Yes, that is plural.

I met with one that I really thought would hate me. She was one of those beautiful model looking agents from one of those larger literary agencies in New York. I was nervous. I was sick at my stomach (which later I learned I was literally sick at my stomach). I sat down and she looked at me and said, “Are you going to start your pitch?”

I shook my head no. Then I began, “I don’t know why the fuck I am here. You see, I suck. I wrote something, but it truly sucks and maybe we can talk about something else.” That was when our conversation really took off and she gave me her contact information. You could then assume I ran home and sent out anything to her right away, but no…  I did NOTHING!

As for the other agent, well that will just have to be another blog in 2014.

I could go on about questioning how I wonder if was coming or going towards my life goals but that shit would have you drinking shots in no time. I could also tell you how I am going to jump out of my stupor and whip my own ass and take charge of my future, but that would be a lie. Instead, I am just going to make no promises and try to make sure that in 2014 I just stay true to myself and hope each day I am going towards my future.


Happy New Year’s to you all!

Welcome and goodbye

Today marks the one-year anniversary of JCV Creates, formerly 365days2bpublished. I apologize I have been absent from the blogging world. I have used my time away to reanalyze my blogging goals and move from the East coast to Midwest. I am still unpacking and getting settled in, but I felt I needed to notify readers that I have not given up on this blog.

My goal for starting this blog was to create a platform and to be noticed by a literary agent or publisher. My overall hope was to be published within a year. I failed. I patiently submitted my manuscript to one agent at time waiting the eight weeks to hear the response that they were no longer taking submission from unknown writers. The truth of the matter is, I knew three months ago this deadline was approaching. I regretted the idea that I would have to face this blog to say, “I failed.”

Over the past year, I have grownup. I have realized how irrational my writing goal was. Writing is a craft, skill and art. Stories are manifested through the passion of creating characters, drama, plot, and perfected with editing. What happened to me is normal under abnormal situations. You see, I faced the death of an abusive parent, lost an amazing grandmother and life just shifted. Life is always changing. People die, friends move on, and relationships change. Last year, for once in my life, I wanted something so bad that I declared it; however, through trial and error I learned that demands do not always work.

This past year I have thoroughly enjoyed my time in creating stories for this blog. I have laughed at the humor of my own stories. I have cried tears of sadness in others. I also posted crap that I am ashamed of, but most of all my greatest accomplishment was having readers compliment and comment on my writings. Through my failure, have learned a new lesson in life. Writing is an art. I will continue to create new stories just for joy of expressing human emotions through characters while enjoying my journey through life in hopes of one day being published.