I have not blogged in a while. Not because I don’t have anything to say. I merely have too much to say. Yet, today is the  day I have to sit down and hammer out these keys.
Want to know why?
Well, I was out mowing my yard at butt-crack early (8:30am). My hairy best friend, Snowy, was chilling outside with me. Oddly, I mow the yard like a chess board. I know that sounds super stupid. Yes it would be stupid if I had a gas mower, but no I don’t. You see I like to make my life suffer, so I have an electric mower. It looks much like a little green vacuum. My neighbors enjoy my suffering and watch from the windows as I go small space by small space over the grass while tugging on the 10,000 feet of electrical cord. Which in hence, you must be very diligent to not mow over or it could be your last mow, even your last breath.
Getting back to my story. I am mowing the yard and this woman pulls up in her Lexus and stops the car to get my dog. This is the second time. Yes!!! This woman has tried this before. Which again, I yelled at her.
“That’s my dog!”
Then she gets back in the car and drives off. Yet, today she asks me if my dog is all right?
Of course, she is all right, bitch. She’s on a leash in the shade watching birds as I mow with my super silent mower that looks like a vacuum only 10 to 15 feet way.
I am not sure if this woman is one of the compulsive dog-helpers or just an asshole going around stealing dogs. Yes, stealing dogs. That’s shit is real! I have met tons of people who have said their dog had been stolen. Even worse, I see heart breaking post on the Ring application for dog owners begging for their dogs.
The first time this woman tried to grab my dog, I was rallied up. I did what any good married person would do. I went and found my spouse and hollered about it.
“Snowy’s cute, of course people are going to try to steal her. Especially if they think she is alone.” He replied.
“But she wasn’t. I was right there. I saw her pull up as I mowed. Turned my back for a moment. This woman jumped out of the car. Passenger door wide open. Her foot was on the street as she was about to lunge for my dog. I yelled. I ran. I waved my arms like a lunatic. I thought I was about to have to chase a car down. Babe, the worst thing is this woman drives an expensive car, so why should I be concerned?” I ranted.
Today, when it happened again. The woman was alone so she was opening the passenger side of her car door from the driver side. Maybe she thought she could lure Snowy away. I am not sure. I am baffled. I yelled at this woman.
“That’s my dog! What’s wrong with you?” I yelled.
“I just wanted to make sure she is ok.” She replied back. Then she drove off.
I carried Snowy up to the patio. I put away my little green mower. As I cleaned up more upset I got. I am not certain if this woman is a truly concerned animal lover or a dog snatcher. I do know, this woman has awoken the dog-momma bear in me.
If this had been my child, I would have called the police the 1st time it happened, no questions asked. I would have let my fire breathing words become a sword. I would have verbally made certain this woman never attempted to steal my child ever. Since this is just a dog. I didn’t breathe fire. I didn’t report it, but now she has tried it again.
I grew up in the country. Like deep country. The closest store was 45 minutes away by car. That includes the police too, so my family and my neighbors had guns. Believe it or not, many times, maybe even as much as four times a year we had or neighbors had poachers attempt to take animals, hay, tractors, building equipment or even break into our homes. Poachers are smart. They know the police reaction time. They watch for our weaknesses or when our backs are turned. The only way to stop poachers in remote areas is with one shot of the shot gun up in the air, just like those old western movies.
I am not promoting violence. I am not going to jump to conclusions about this woman. Instead, I am going to do what any writer will do. I will write. I have too. It is all I have. I will not sit and allow this Lexus driving woman steal my dog or my thunder. Nope, I won’t.
To all of you with pets, children or anything you love, be cautious. Poachers are out there. Sometimes they hide behind fancy cars. Sometimes they are women. Be diligent my friends.

As Iceman, Sgt Brad Colbert, of  Generation Kill, would say, “stay frosty my friends.”

Love Always,
JCV