2005: “Hi everyone. My name is Dick. I’m a writer.”

Twitter: 1 Like

2006: “Hi everyone. I’m super excited. I finished my first draft.”

Twitter: 1 Like

2007: “I want to thank my two followers for following.”
Twitter: 1 Like

Twitter Follower 1: “Yes, Dick of course your mom and dad love you.”

2008: “Well, I am querying agents, super excited.”
Twitter: 1 Like

Twitter Follower 1: “Wow Dick, dad and I didn’t know you were gay.”

2009: “I want to thank those who follow my blog. I don’t have an agent yet, but things look promising.”

Twitter: 1 Like

2010: “Well, I haven’t found an agent yet, but the good thing is I’m still alive.”

Twitter: 1 Like

2011: “This has been a tough year. I am starting my new book as a gay astronaut werewolf that is moving to Mars to start a new modern utopia with other alien force.”

Twitter: 1 Like

Twitter follower 1: “Dick, we know you are gay. If you want to bring a man to supper that is fine. Love mom”

2012: “I finished my rough draft on my second novel. I am stoked.”

Twitter: 1 Like

2019: “Well, I lost my balls today day in a public restroom. Yep, razor blade taped under the lid. It just sliced my boys right off. No more jingle. The good news I caught them before they flushed. I’m just laying in the hospital blogging about getting them put back on again in the morning. Life is good.”

Twitter: 1,895,876 Likes

Twitter follower 1: “Dad and I will be up to your room soon. Dad’s taking a shit. I’m getting some coffee in the cafeteria.
Twitter follower 2: “Wow! you’re a writer?”

Twitter Follower 301: “I love that shit you write man.”
Twitter follower 356: “You’re the best writer ever man. Keep that shit fucking coming.”

Twitter 2,001,899: “What’s the name of your book. I can’t wait till it’s published. 1,895,876 Likes

Dick writes on his Twitter: #Want2bewriter #GetYourBallsOffByAccident #GettingBallSewOn

Twitter follower one: “Dick, dad and I thought you were getting a sex change. We didn’t know this was an accident. Oh my gosh! My poor baby!”

Dick writes on Twitter: “Fuck you mom! I’m not gay. I’m a writer.”

Twitter follower one replies: “Oh, wow Dick. That’s fascinating. What do you want to write about?