Hello Vagina, we need to talk

“Hello Vagina. I think it’s time we talk.”

“Nah, I’m good.”

“Vagina, what are you doing?”

“What do you mean? I’m just hanging out enjoying the view”

“I know that. I can see you.”

“Oh, yeah, hello. I can see you too. You know, you look a lot different from out here.”

“I suppose, but listen Vagina that’s not the issue, or maybe it is.”

“What do you mean?”

“Vagina, Thursday you are going back home.”

“No! Don’t send me back in there. Do you know what it is like to be in there? All I see is blank space and dick heads, ok only one dick head, but that is enough.”

“Too bad Vagina. I’m out here in the real world and that’s pretty much all I see everyday too, just a bunch of dick heads. Ok maybe not literally dick heads, but I do see a bunch of very dickish people. By the way, this is not a competition you know?”

“I like it out here. It smells nice. What is it that I rub against a night time?”

“Panties, Vagina. You are resting your head on my panties. Panties that have given up on life. They are trying to escape to the trash everyday. They want out. When all this is through, their gone. Yep, I’m getting some new ones, white lacy ones too.”

“Oh, that’s brave of you. Are you sure you don’t want to continue to wear those diapers? Diapers kind add some curve to your flat ass.”

“Gesh, thanks, but no, no I don’t want to keep wearing diapers. That’s why Thursday the surgeon is going to sling you back to where you belong and stitch you in there.”

“No! You’re cruel! You can’t do this!”

“Watch me Vagina. You remember Bladder and Intestine? Well they are tired of your lazy ass just hanging out down here. You’re causing ciaos. Kidney is about to quit. Bladder is on the juice just trying to hang on and Intestine is full of it.”

“You’re lying!”

“I’m a lot of things here, but not I’m not a liar. Intestine is full of shit. Sometimes he even leaks a little. He is under a lot of pressure you know. All because your lazy ass won’t stand up and do it’s job. Listen, sometimes you’ve got to take one for the team. There’s a lot of shit going on, just because you want to hang out here.”

Gesh, I’m sorry.  I didn’t realize I was causing such a fuss.”

“Well, you are.”

“Hey, before I go do you want to take a picture?”

“I don’t know, maybe.”

“You know you may never see me, your pal Vagina, again.”

“Yes Vagina, I got that. Anyways that is how it’s supposed to be. Unless the surgeon messes up. You hanging out and talking to me is not normal.”

“Yeah, but think how cool it would be to have a picture of us together hanging out sitting on top of your mantle. You could even post it on Facebook.”

“No, no, no, by the way how do you know about Facebook?”

“I’ve seen it. You know while your laying bed Facebooking, I kind of watch over your knees.”

“Gross. Plus Facebook won’t let me post that picture. I’d be sent directly to Facebook jail for that.”

Vagina quizzers a little.

“I’m sorry Vagina. I’m not trying to upset you. How about before you go I paint a picture of you? Would you like that?”

“Yes, it would make me happy to know that you still love me and have a picture to prove it.”

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