“Vern, are you at work?”

“Yes daddy.  I answered the phone here. What do you need?”

“Nothing sweetheart.  Listen, I think I’ll ride the bus and come visit you.”

“That’s not a good idea. The bus schedule can be confusing.  I’m busy here.  Just stay home.  We can go somewhere after work.  Oh, maybe we can go eat at the diner tonight.”

“No, no I’m coming. Don’t leave.”

“No, no you’re not.”

“I have to.”

“Why do you have to ride the bus down here when you are perfectly safe at home?”

“Because I’m not”

“Oh my gosh! Was there a fire, a break in? Did the carbon monoxide alarm go off?  Did the roof collapse?”

“Vern, Vern!  No it was none of that”

“Then why are you not home?”

“I went outside to rake leaves in the back.  I locked the front door like you always say.  Then while I was out raking the wind blew through the kitchen window shutting the back door.  Now the back door was locked too.  So, I went back to the shed to get the spare key, but the wind had slammed it closed too.  That’s when I call Sally our neighbor.  She could not hear me on my cell phone so she came outside to talk to me.  There she was walking over to our yard when her goat snuck into her house and somehow shut the door.”

“Daddy!”

“I know. I know.  Here Sally and I stood trying to figure this out.  She’s only wearing her nightgown.  I then thought I would just take a taxi there, but I forgot I had left my wallet in your car. Sally offered to take me in her car, but the spare key was missing.  She called her husband.  He had it.  The car was blocking his truck this morning.  After he moved it, he was running late to work so he kept.”

“Did you try to call one of the other neighbors?”

“Well, no not really.  Let’s say Mrs. Winters does not think the best of me or Sally.”

“Why?”

“Well the small window in the kitchen was still open.  I thought I would lift Sally into the window, so she could unlock the door, because we have a spare key to her house. So there I was lifting Sally on the back porch into the kitchen window when the wind gust came up and blew her nightgown over her head.  Mrs. Winters was watching by now.  Here I am holding on to Sally’s naked legs with her bare bum showing in the most awkward position.”

“Oh my gosh! Did she call the police?”

“No, no, that would have probably been the best thing to happen to me.”

“Why?”

“Because when I lifted Sally up apparently she had stepped into goat poo”

“Goat poo?”

“Crap!  Goat crap!  Now, Sally is crying on her porch locked out of her house with a goat inside embarrassed because she was seen naked.  She’s worried that Mrs. Winters is going to tell her husband and I’m standing here with goat poop on my shirt and pants, without money locked out of this house.”

“Daddy if you want me to come home just ask me to.”

“Vern, can you please come help me?”

“Yes daddy. I’m on my way.”