It was Friday, March 13, Daddy had let things slip his mind, like most days. While he was the mailbox, he noticed a flyer from Victoria’s Secret for a free pair of Birthday panties.
Birthday, He looks towards the clouds and begins to think. January, I watch the Super Bowl. Then February, Vern bought all those damn cards and shit-load of chocolate for her clients. Then I had three weeks of winter bowling.
Damn it! It’s Vern’s birthday.
He shuffled in his pajamas to the house. He called up everyone he knew, but not a soul was around.
For the love, where is everyone? I’ll just have to go alone. Damn it.
He got dressed and got on his grocery scooter and headed towards the VFW. Inside, he chained up his scooter to the bar.
“Uh-ugh! You ain’t do’in that again.”
“Come on. Look, I need to catch a ride to the mall.”
“No, that shitty lock of yours is com’in off. Snip, Snip. Last time you did this I lost a lot of money in tips. It was Rita and Fajitas night and not one person could sit at those seats you had blocked.”
“Shirley, doll, stop making everything so personal.”
Shirley rolled her eyes, flipped the bar towel over her shoulder and replied, “Take my car and be back here by 5pm. We got that catfish dinner and I need these spots for the good tippers”
“You’re a doll.” Daddy grabbed her keys and shuffled out.
At the mall, Daddy went straight to Victoria’s Secret. He was stopped at the entry,
“Sir, what can I help you find today?”
“I have a gift card for a free pair of panties.”
“Sure that would be any of the panties on center tables $10.50 or under. Who are they for?”
The store associate looked at him very strangely, turned and whispered into her headset. Daddy paid no attention. He went to the pajama table to pick out some pajamas for Vern. A manager came up to him.
“Sir, the panties are not on this table, but the table upfront.”
“I am not going to buy underwear for my daughter. She’s 40! Geesh, I just want to get my daughter a pair of flannel pajamas for her birthday. That’s all. Nothing funny.”
The associate rang up the pajamas, sprayed the pink tissue paper with perfume, wrapped them neatly around the pajama and placed them in the bag.
“Oops, I almost forgot your panties.” She held up a pair of red lacy panties.
“I am not buying panties for my daughter,” said Daddy.
“But, they’re free,” replied the associate. “You have a gift card.”
“I know, but I don’t care. I don’t want the panties. Just give me my bag with the pajamas and you keep the panties.”
“It’s against policy Sir,” replied the associate. “We can not take things from the store.”
“I just brought the gift card, because it reminded me that today, is my daughter’s birthday.”
At this time many shoppers in the store and a mall security guard were watching Daddy.
“You know what go ahead, give me the panties. I don’t want any trouble. I will give them to someone else.” Daddy grabbed the panties and the bag from the associate and stormed out.
Back at the VFW, Shirley was impressed that Daddy had made it back before 5pm. Daddy unchained his scooter. Strapped Vern’s gift bag on the back of the seat. Winked at Shirley drove it out of the VFW and to home along the side of the road.
That night when Shirley got in her car she found a pair of new red lacy panties in the passenger seat. Yep, he likes me.