Beth finished applying her second coat of mascara. Then she smiled back into the mirror to check her teeth. Her cell phone began to buzz and vibrate along the counter. It was her alarm. The alarm she set to leave the house to pick up Wendy. They had RSVP for the fall trunk show at their favorite boutique. The owner had scheduled a live performance from a new men’s a cappella group. The singing sensations were famous for not only their romantic songs but for the eye-candy of a show with muscle-toned arms, six-pack abs and bulges in all the right places. Beth sprayed one last puff of cheap perfume.
Beth arrived at Wendy’s house. Wendy was home alone. Her husband, Bob, was one of those beef eating animal hunters. Wendy refused him to hang any of his trophies, but that did not stop him from chasing the hunt with his bow and arrow. He just donated his catch to friends and coworkers. Tonight, was the eve of deer season. While Wendy was to be spending money on fashion and enjoying the show, her husband was to be camping with old fraternity brothers.
Beth knocked on the glass door and walked in announcing herself. “Wendy, are you ready? You should see my new mascara. It’s supposed to be thick lash. I had to put two coats on. You would think at thirty-five dollars a tube, it would take less than two coats to give me same effect as the five dollar drug store brand.” Beth stopped in the living room. Wendy was sitting on the ottoman crying. Her makeup was smearing as she wiped off the tears streaming down her cheeks.
“Honey, what’s wrong?”
“That bitch…” Wendy pointed towards her window.
Wendy nodded in agreement. “That stupid bitch is ruining my life.”
“The grave, remember the grave for Wrinkles?”
“No, I never knew you had a pet.”
“Well, I did. I loved my Wrinkles. Then that woman comes along to ruin it for us.”
“Shut the front door! You think your neighbor killed your dog.”
“No, not my dog. Wrinkles was my hamster.”
“I didn’t know you had a hamster. I’ve been your friend for last five years and you’ve never told me about a hamster.”
“He was a childhood pet. He died when I was eight. I was like really upset when he died, so my mom let me have him get stuffed. Then I put one of those little voice recorders in it with a recording of him playing in his cage. I could push on his chest to hear the recording. I loved having stuffed Wrinkles. It was like he was still alive without having to feed him or clean his poop.”
“That’s sick Wendy.”
“That’s what Bob said, so when we moved here last year he made me bury it. I went out and buried it. Then I ordered a tombstone for him. It was so beautiful. I held this small private ceremony.”
“Apparently, I wasn’t invited.”
“What does all this have to do with your neighbor?”
“That bitch decided to dig it up.”
“Yuck! Are you kidding me?”
“No, I’m serious. The tombstone is gone. There was a hole in the yard.”
“How dare that woman to dig up your hamster tombstone. Where was it buried?” Beth asked as she looked out the window.
Wendy got up and started to point. “Over there”
“Over there, next to the new patio.”
“Wendy, you don’t have a patio.”
“I know. It’s my neighbors.”
“Wendy, are you telling me that you buried your hamster,Wrinkles, in your neighbor’s yard?”
“Of course, why would I want to bury it in my new yard? Bob pays a lot of money to landscapers to keep our yard amazing. I don’t want to mess our yard up, so I notice that the neighbor never went in her back yard. That’s when I decided to plant my dear sweet Wrinkles there.”
“With a tombstone? How big was it?”
“It was small, like the size of a medium pizza box. Don’t forget I also planted daisies beside it. Before me, that woman had no flowers in her yard. Now, she decides to build a patio right where my Wrinkles was resting.”
“Wendy, that yard belongs to her. She can dig up any grave you place there. Look at how happy she is sitting there reading a book.”
“I thought you were my friend, not hers.”
“I am. I’m just saying that maybe your neighbor is not such a bitch because she dug up a grave you placed on her property.”
“Are you ready? We’re going to be late for the musical performance if we don’t hurry.”
“Sure, but one more thing; when we get back, can you help me dig in her trash to look for Wrinkles?”
I love this! It’s cute and funny.