Halloween rules

“Whatcha doing?”

“Making a sign”

“What kind of sign?”


“For what?”

“Halloween, duh… I’m making a sign for Halloween.  These are Trick or Treat rules.”

“That’s stupid.”

“You’re stupid.  Rules are good.”

“What’s the first rule?”

Take only one candy:  Why do they need to take the candy? I thought you’re handing out the candy.”

“Because sometimes just when I’m putting the candy into a bag of one kid, another kid will reach into the bowl and grab handfuls of candy.”

“Ok, go on. What’s rule two?”

Stay off the grass: What are going to do to them if they get on the grass?”

“Spray them.”

“Oh, with a water gun or silly spray?”

“Noooo, the water hose!”

“That’s bad.  Their candy and costume will get all wet and ruined.”

“Nope that’s good. If they don’t want to get wet they shouldn’t  step on the grass.”

“Fine, what’s rule number three?”

No public bathroom:”

“Do you really think they are going to use your bathroom?”

“Little people, little bladders, I’m not taking chances.”

“Fine. What’s rule number four?”

If you can’t read this sign, GO HOME!

“That’s really bad.”

“Nope, it’s good.  If they cannot read it means one of two things: 1. they are too young to trick-or-treat, or 2. they are too stupid.  Either way the kid deserves a trick not a treat.”

“That’s a bad rule. You can’t put an age or educational limits on fun.”

“Well, I did.”

“What’s the  next rule?”

No scary mask:  Really why this one?”

“They scare me.”

“Geez, that’s what Halloween’s about!  You’re supposed to get dressed up and scare the begebers out of people.  Spooky and scary masks kind of go with the theme of haunted houses, haunted trails, horror movies and stuff like that.”

“I don’t like it. Rule stays.”

“Whatever. What’s the next rule?”

No infants

“You’re heartless. What’s the last rule?”

Must have proof of age and be younger than twelve:

“Seriously, why must they be younger than twelve?”

“The zoo is doing the same.”

“Well you’re not a zoo.”

“True, but the newspaper says you must be younger than twelve.”

“Still, why do you have to ruin it for the infants, nonreaders and the older kids?”

“Because the parents eat the infant’s and nonreaders candy and the teenagers eat too much candy.”

“Like I said before; these rules are bad and you’re being heartless…  With all these rules no one is going to want to come here and trick-or-treat!  You’re mom has bought all this candy for nothing.”

“Nope, I can eat it.”

“But you’re on a diet!”

“Come ooonn!  I can break a few rules.  It’s Halloween!”

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