- Arrive late and ask, “Did they really start without me?”
- Walk up to the first person that smiles at you and hand them your business card and say, “Here’s my card. I’m a fabulous writer.” Later you find out the man you handed the card to was a publisher.
- Walk up to the front of the room to get the instructions for getting online, so the guest speaker has to search for it. “Excuse me, can I please have my guide for starting this presentation?”
- Humming hymns, songs, lullabies in class. (This is not song writing 101!)
- Try to sell your unpublished novel to someone so you can buy a cup of coffee.
- Sit in the front of the class with your hearing aid on your lap and start yelling, “I can’t hear you! Speak up!”
- Sign up to pitch your script with the agent that says, “I don’t like women’s fiction. I don’t like women’s nonfiction. I don’t like women.”
- Tell the guy sitting by you, “I’m not just funny looking, I’m also a funny writer.”
- Listen to the creepy old guy who keeps asking you to put ice down your shirt.
- Tell the agent you are pitching your manuscript to, “This is normally my nap time. I’m just going to tell you the truth my novels sucks, it’s broken and stupid.”