It all stopped…

I was in my comfort zone of blogging. I was creating and following other writers, photographers, cartoonist, artist and more. Then I got the call my grandmother, my biggest cheerleader, died.  I was upset with her passing, but I celebrated her life. Things were fine until I returned home after the funeral. My siblings, my father and I got into a huge fight. I was hurt. The problem was the pain of my father’s neglect and my siblings demands reminded me why I ever became a writer, a graduate, a military member and why I left my home and to only return in ten years, when my mother died.

Now, you probably thinking, “Why did you stop writing?” Truth is, I didn’t know how to say what I just wrote. I was writing, but not the words that were heavy on my heart. I wanted to write about my characters, but I did not have the joy to do so. Then, about three weeks ago, I went to bed and had this dream. I dreamed there was a bald naked middle-aged man holding his balls standing in my closet. He had not one piece of hair on his round body; the only thing he wore was the expression of shame. I was terrified at first. I could not sleep through the night. Then, I began to wonder what the meaning was behind the naked man in my dream. Was there a naked shameful man running around my neighborhood standing in closets?  Was this an odd creepy fantasy? Am I going to have a naked man ghost move into my closet? Was this a sign I need a fashion makeover?

The weeks following, I kept thinking about my naked hairless visitor and I began to write technical reports. I wanted to go back to the fundamentals.  As I plugged away writing and researching, I had time to reflect on my previous post. I wondered how I could improve on my creative writing. That’s when I decided to enroll in a script writing class. I am not abandoning my blog or characters; instead, I looking for new doors to open. I am searching for my next chapter in life.  That’s when I began to understand who that mysterious, shameful naked man in my closet is. He is the birth of my new literary balls. I am no longer going to suffer in silence or shame or write with reservation. Now, I am in a new chapter in my life. I am opening new doors and exposing my new literary balls. I hope you continue to enjoy my life’s journey.

9 comments on “It all stopped…

  1. I am so sorry to hear about your grandmother’s demise. Hope you are recovering. It’s been a while since I hear about you. I hope you will feel better again. Warmest wishes to you my friend. !!!

  2. I raise my virtual glass to you in a toast for your continued success, JCV. My best wishes to you as you embark upon this new chapter in your life. We will always be here for you if you ever want to stop in and say what’s on your mind. Thank you for checking in and letting us know what is going on. I am glad to hear that you are OK, I was worried about you. We missed you, JCV.

  3. Death of a loved one is debilitating. Your grandmother must have been a remarkable woman to have inspired you. You are moving forward and the writing will get back on track and improve as your head and your heart heal. I can’t wait to hear about your new chapter.

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