Daddy gets Call of Duty Modern Warfare 3

Vern woke up. She heard mysterious noises coming from downstairs.  It was a combination of muffled thundering noises followed by continuous blast.  She looked at her cell phone on her nightstand.  It’s half past one.  I wonder if daddy forgot to turn off the television again.  She put on her fuzzy socks.  Then she went downstairs.  She saw her father sitting on the new sofa in his underwear drinking beer and playing a video game.

“What in Sam Hell are you doing? It’s almost two in the morning.”

“Shhh Vern!  The microphone is on.  They can hear you.”

“No, no shhhing me! Who can hear me?  Better yet, what are you doing?”

“Come on Vern, I’m playing Call of Duty Modern Warfare 3.  Go back to sleep.”

“Where did you get all this stuff?”

“The store, I ran out of beer.  You were in bed.  It was around ten o’clock, so walked down to the store.  When I got to the store, there was a huge party.”

“That still does not explain where you got all this stuff: the microphone, video game, and the machine.”

“It’s a console.”

“I don’t care what it’s called.”

“Sweetheart, it is gaming language.  Call it what it is.  It’s a console.”

“Ok daddy. Where did you get the console?”

“Well, let me finish telling you my story.  There I was getting my beer when this young lady asks me if I want a raffle ticket, but I tell her I only have enough money for chips and beer.  Then she tells me it’s free.  The only catch is I’ve got to wait for the drawing at midnight.”

“You stayed at the corner store till midnight?”

“No, I was in the parking lot.  The video game store next door  was in charge of the party.  They had this Hummer with a game console in the back. I got cold standing there watching in my pajamas.  They also had was this huge bus, so I went  inside it was like a lounge, real fancy stuff.  There were teenagers, college students, business men and veteran like me playing this  video game.  They called it the launch party for Call of Duty Modern Warfare 3.”

“How did you know how to play?  You’ve never played a video game before.”

“Yes, but I’m a war veteran. I still remember how to play war games.  I didn’t know how use the controller at first, but I just sat around watching everyone else play.  Then after an energy drink and a few beers I got the hang of it. I jumped right in.  I was like a hero, running around shooting insurgents, killing enemy, blowing up things, capturing the flag.  I even got double XP.”

“Then at midnight, I guess you won the raffle”

“Nooo Vern, let me finish my story.”

At midnight they held the drawing. I lost.  This poor kid down the street won everything.  He won the game, console, microphone and more. The bad thing was he really sucked at the game.  It wasn’t fair.”

“If he won, why are you playing with all his stuff?”

“I was in my warrior zone. I’m standing there watching the employees pack all the stuff up.  It was a huge letdown.  That’s when I decided to buy it.”

“You bought all of this? Did you write a check?”

“Nope, I used your debt card.  It was in my pajamas.  I forgot to take anything but ten bucks and my driver’s license.   I don’t know how, but for some reason I grabbed your debit card. It sure was a good thing. They gave me free Elite membership.”

“Daddy, I was saving up that money for a spa day.”

“Come on, your already beautiful.  Look at me. What could be more beautiful than making me happy?  Once again, I’m running around with other men killing things, blowing up stuff and stealing. I’m hanging out with close to a million people online drinking beer, talking man talk and eating junk food.  Life’s good.  Thanks Vern.”

“You’re welcome daddy. I’m glad I made you happy.  Now, just get off the new sofa in your dirty underwear.”

“I can do that.  Vern can you buy me the gaming chair on your way home from work today?  It would be real nice to have.”

“You’re pushing it old man!”

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